


I'm searching low in the night

by sirensangel



Series: of mechs and music [4]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: (AWP) angst without plot or angst without porn, Alternate Universe, Angst, Cortical Psychic Patch, F/M, Shattered Glass, as usual I'm here to give you some feels, even if he's a bastard, reader and starscream shares a tender moment, starscream deserved better, this time it's about our favorite seeker !
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25088890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirensangel/pseuds/sirensangel
Summary: What could he possibly want from an organic? A filthy, weak, and incompetent organic? An organic whose tears he could not stop imagining, an organic whose eyes follow him everywhere he goes, an organic whose laughter crowded every space of his silence.An organic, who is out there, unknowingly waiting for him.( Starscream meets shattered glass! Starscream and discovers somethings better left unknown)
Relationships: Starscream (Transformers)/You, starscream / reader
Series: of mechs and music [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1766410
Comments: 10
Kudos: 89





	I'm searching low in the night

**Author's Note:**

> The song I used is SYML's Where's My Love ( Alternate version )

The locks hissed, latching themselves in place. Shockwave remained unperturbed by the whole scenario, mulling about as if it was nothing short of a usual day in the lab. If this couldn’t shake the stoic Mech, then Starscream doesn’t want to know what will. Knockout seemed much more hesitant, shooting glances at him every now and then – Starscream would have found it comical if it wasn’t for the look everyone’s giving him.

Starscream marched to his counterpart, peeling himself off the wall. “ You’re an Autobot.”

His doppelganger shot him a _no slag_ look. The Autobot insignia gleamed above his armor, a stark difference to the walls that held him prisoner. Starscream took the chance to observe him – or himself, up close. Aside from the minor scratches he got upon entering the portal, he seemed unharmed. The color scheme of his plating was enough to make Starscream nauseous. It was white down to his claws – no, fingers. It was white down to his fingers.

Starscream scowled.

“ Pathetic,” He scoffed, “ I expected better from myself.”

“ Makes the two of us.”

The vehicons left once their work was done, ushered out by Knockout. There was comfort in knowing that Megatron won’t be around to witness this himself, even if a field report was inevitably going to inform him of it, considering that Shockwave was with them – yet his temporary absence gave Starscream the closure he needed to let his curiosity wander.

Mirror-Starscream – as Knockout has dubbed, looked uncharacteristically calm, which only serves to agitate him even more. Deep down he was rooting for him to resist, to fight back – to even _beg_. Where was his cunningness? Where were his shrewd quips and witty reasoning? Why isn’t he trying to talk his way out? Was he that much of a coward? Yet the look in his eyes stated otherwise. It was one of determination. One of courage and loyalty and – _bah_! It makes him sick.

 _Pathetic_.

Shockwave can toss his words to the Pit – there was no way he was staring at his alternate self. Whatever failed science experiment the one-eyed slagger had conjured, it couldn’t have possibly brought back anything that resembled him. This must be some sort of trick, a curse, a bad omen.

“ Mind sharing to us how this all came to be?” Knockout hummed, attaching the very last wires into the system. The computer whirred to life, the noise enough to set him on edge – again Mirror-Starscream was almost unresponsive, merely glancing around as if he’s laying on a human beach rather than the torture chamber of a Decepticon warship.

“ You’re going to pry it from my head anyways.” He tugged on the restraints. “Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter – you won’t get any information that you can use against my friends, because I don’t know how the slag this happened either.”

Starscream scoffed. “ We’ll see about that.”

Starscream slid onto the opposite berth, letting the doctor ease a cable around the back of his helm. His double regarded him silently, confusion in his eyes – as if he couldn’t picture what they’ve become. “Why ?”

“ Why not?”

Knockout gave him the signal and at the count of three, Shockwave activated the cortical psychic patch. His double gave him a horrified look, before falling into his memories, pulling Starscream with him.

* * *

He shouldn’t be surprised – no. He’d seen many things throughout this war. He’d seen Vos crumble at his feet, he’d seen flyers getting their wings ripped out by blasters mid-air, he’d seen Megatron on his worst days. He’d seen it all, nothing could catch him off-guard.

Except maybe this.

“ W-what is this?”

His double raised a brow at him. “ This is the part that surprises you?”

Starscream recoiled. “ Why am I _touching_ that organic?”

His double searched his gaze. “ That organic is our – my Conjunx.”

Starscream swore he could hear Knockout’s gasp, or perhaps it was his own. The seeker retreated, looking back and forth. “ I would rather go to the Pit than admit that-that creature is my – “

“You don’t recognize her?”

His double moved forward, walking past Megatron – a parallel Megatron, where he wasn’t a bloodthirsty warlord, but instead, a scientist whose driving force is to protect humanity and take down Orion Pax. Orion Pax, Optimus, for short - who is supposedly a gladiator of Kaon. Starscream could barely picture the red and blue Mech even taking down a vehicon before the primacy, what more Megatron? Then again, the silver Mech didn’t even look threatening – with no claws and blue optics. _Primus_ , _what happened to his optics_?

Starscream pretended to be nauseated, insulted, infuriated – yet he couldn’t bring himself to pry his eyes away from the sight. The scene had melted into another one, the once vibrant colors peeling into a dark room. He could hear the sound of rain, and the roof above his head suggested that he was inside a human home. He flinched when the wood creaked below his feet, only to realize that it came from the memory.

He could walk only to where his double stood, not daring to reach out any further. In his double’s memory, he was hugging – _hugging_? Yes, _hugging_ the organic. They were laying down on a human berth, limbs tangled. He was nearly lost in the intimacy, watching as she dragged her fingers across his wings. This would imply that – _Primus_ , _they really are Conjux Endurae_. Watching himself being courted is weird enough, watching him being courted by a fleshling is even worse. Then again, she was being extremely careful, reaching out to cover the expanse of his wing with her faint caress.

“ Are you falling asleep?” She asked, whispering into the dark. Their bodies were illuminated by the half-light pouring through the window, shielded from the ongoing storm. It was quiet, so quiet, that he could hear her breathing.

“ I am.” He murmured, burying his head deeper against her clothed stomach. Starscream wanted to flinch at that, to rage at the idea that he would give himself to something so –

She laughed. The noise faint and brief, yet enough to send something through his spark. He retreated, watching as she pulled him closer. “ That’s good to hear. You’ve been working so hard, and I’ve been worried. I can’t imagine anything happening to you.”

Outside he could hear the roll of thunder. His double raised a finger, tracing it across her cheek. “ I should be the one that’s worried.” He pulled himself up, sitting upright. “ What did the doctor say?”

There was a moment. He should’ve taken this as a chance to break the vision – they should be looking for information. One related to winning this war, yet he felt anchored to the ground, unable to move. The fact that they haven’t shifted to another memory meant that Shockwave no longer has control over the psychic patch, leaving them with no room to argue.

The human woman hesitated. He waited, combing her hair. “ Tell me, please.”

There it was, begging. Starscream stole a glance at his counterpart, who was leaning by the wall, looking away. She rose to sit, placing both her hands across his cheeks. She leaned in, brushing her lips against his own. He felt appalled, but the feeling ebbed away when she started crying. Liquid leaked from her optics – eyes, humans called them.

“ Starscream.” There was something in the way she uttered his name. He’d heard people shout his name, scream his name, belittle and butcher his name. He was used to the anger dripping from their voices when his name was called, he had grown to the cruel and sneering way everyone would refer him to.

That’s why hearing his name uttered so gently was enough to shock him into flinching.

He couldn't remember the last time someone did that.

“ We both know I…my life is finite compared to yours. We both know I will leave you much sooner than you want me to. I wished we had more time, but if this is all that the universe is going to allow me, then I want to spend it with you.” The tears continued to spill, even if she’d buried her face on his shoulder. “ I’m sorry…I’m sorry that we’re so unlucky in this lifetime. I’m sorry, I had to get sick, I’m sorry I’ll – “

His double shushed her. She was hiccupping, spilling her tears all over his armor – yet he didn’t seem to care. All he did was hold her, rocking her sideways. Warmly, tenderly, intimately. “ Don’t apologize for something you cannot control.”

He laid her back down on the bed, the two of them facing one another. It was at this point that Starscream felt as if he had interrupted something private, something he shouldn’t see – but the rain outside was growing stronger. The wind howling and shaking the trees.

Once she’d calm down, she raised a hand above the pillow. “ I didn’t know I was sick. But, if you had known earlier – will you still stay?”

“ I would.” He answered.

She narrowed her eyes.“ Even if it would hurt you?”

“ I would.”

His mirrored-self embraced her in a way that seemed so foreign – could he do that? Was he capable of really giving her that kind of security? That kind of comfort? Here, within these four walls, the war couldn't reach them. Here, in this far, distant memory coming from a life he could have had, she laid next to him as if she trusted him more than anyone.

She could have never done the same with him – yet this was him, wasn't it?

“ I wish we are luckier in another life.”

She murmured, eyes struggling to keep themselves open. He – _his double_ , continued to rub comforting circles around her back. Under his metal fingers, her skin looked so pliant, so inviting. He nuzzled the column of her neck, arching into her touch.

He could crush her, hurt her – yet he didn’t.

 _Why_? Starscream didn’t understand. _Why, why, why, why_ –

“ Why?”

Once again, the scenery before them started to blur, fading into the next one. His mirrored-self ex-vented.

“ Why not ?”

Even after they’ve severed the psychic link, Starscream still finds himself going back to the memory. He could never forget the look Knockout had offered him. He could have handled the gloating or the disgust in his face. Yet everything about the medic screamed pity, and Starscream had to walk out of the room to stop himself from getting angry.

At what, he didn’t know.

His double had managed to escape. After three days of captivity, Mirror-Starscream was rescued by his team – Starscream scoffed bitterly, all that hassle, all that trouble, just to rescue one Mech? In this world, Megatron would have left him for scrap.

He let his hands fall to his sides.

He would have left him for scrap.

The warlord was indifferent to the incident, if not a little agitated with how they’ve managed to still return empty-handed. The Vehicons had initially gossiped about it, whispering to one another whenever he would pass down the halls. After a week, however, it died down – any talk about his second life vaporizing into thin air. Disappearing without a trace.

Starscream wished it was the same for his memories.

Yet, here he lay – awake at night in his berth, staring at the ceiling. If he closes his optics, he could hear the pitter-patter of the rain above the roof. He could hear her breathing, the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. He could imagine her hands against his skin – warm. They would be very warm. Initially, whenever the thought would arise, he would push them away. He’d spent weeks running from it, only to find that he’s been going in circles – haunted by a memory that wasn’t even his to begin with.

What made it so appealing?

What could he possibly want from an organic? A filthy, weak, and incompetent organic? An organic whose tears he could not stop imagining, an organic whose eyes follow him everywhere he goes, an organic whose laughter crowded every space of his silence.

An organic, who is out there, unknowingly waiting for him.

“ _I wish we are luckier in another life_.”

He clenched his fists.

He stared at the datapad. At that time, he had caught a glance of her name written above what seemed to be a medical report. He had entered the syllables into a humans search engine, scrolling through the world wide web for her identity. He stared at her picture on a social platform – social media, they call it.

He groaned. _What am I doing_?

 _She was smiling_. He noted. _She looked healthy here_.

But will it stay that way?

“ _Even if it would hurt you_?”

He stood by the roof of the Nemesis, feeling the clouds cluster oppressively around him. The onslaught of rain did nothing to deter his stance. He watched the storm below, observing the flash of lighting. Thunder followed not long after. The wind strong enough to faintly rock the ship.

_Just one look to quench your curiosity_ , he reasoned, _just one look so you will stop thinking about her_.

He turned off his comm-link, severing all communication with Soundwave. This should buy him some time, how long ? He doesn't know. Hopefully, it will be enough.

All he needed to do was jump, and somewhere below – inside a human home, you were waiting for him.

 _Pathetic_. He thought - leaping off the platform.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this isn't too OOC, you can set the timeline anywhere you want - but I'd like to think it's somewhere around season 2. Don't hesitate to tell me what you guys think and correct my mistakes <3


End file.
